Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Walk It Out.....change

Hey there-

Sorry for the late post.

I will be out of town this Sat. March 28th which would normally be the Walk It Out meeting time. The official meeting will be cancelled but I encourage all interested to walk on their own.

Practice some walking meditation, notice all the signs of new life around us at this time of the year.

The regular meeting time, the 4th Sat. of every month, will resume in April. April 25, 2009.

Thanks for checking in-


Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Hey there-

I cried last night.

I was watching a TV show (Private Practice) and I started to cry during a scene with a father showing his new baby to the mom, who was laying on a gurney, recently dead.

Sound a little over the top? It was. But I was apparently moved to tears.

I took it as a good sign.

I used to cry rather easily at movies and TV shows, even commercials. As a child I was a complete wreck after watching "Kramer vs. Kramer", and don't get me started about "Terms of Endearment" or "Beaches".

After Bob died I stopped crying at anything on a screen. None of it compared to my real emotions, nothing could move me to tears, I was all cried out.

So, a TV drama brought me to tears, I think it is so great that I am filled up again.

Thanks for checking in-


Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Bob was like gravity for me. Without him I might go spinning off into the atmosphere amidst all the planning in my head. Without me Bob might have spun a web around himself and burrowed in. I kept us connected to people and he kept us connected to the earth.

When we would go hiking, I was the one studying the map at the fork in the trail. Lingering there with my wavy hair sticking out from under my brim hat that I purchased at a Grateful Dead concert years before. Needing to know where we were going and how long it would take to get there, did we have enough food?

Meanwhile, Bob would be gazing with awe and wonder at the banana slug inching its way across the trail, searching for a log or leaf, his own shaggy locks hidden by a colorful hat he had purchased recently at the Portland Saturday Market. No worries about the dwindling light or the lack of food.

“Bob, it is getting dusky. We need to get going if we want to get back to the trailhead before dark,” I would say, a slight edge to my voice.

“Hey Renie, did you see this Douglas fir? Look at this old growth tree, the sword fern growing out of it wouldn’t fit in our kitchen. Amazing,” he would respond, as if there was nothing else at this moment to focus on but this tree.

Glancing up from the map I would see Bob leaning up against the tree with his arms stretched out, as if trying to give the tree a big hug. His arms didn’t even make it half-way around the trunk. Those huge old growth trees were an amazing sight.

Thank goodness I had Bob to remind me to pay attention, to stop the fretting and enjoy the moment.

Together we had the forest and the trees.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


Hey There,

Paperwork, it is unending. It seems the more we move towards a paperless society the more paperwork there is.

I took Henry and Arthur to the dentist this morning and I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork. Some of it was legitimate since we changed providers since our last visit and they always want to know about any health changes, but some of it seemed plain silly to me.

What is the name of his/her favorite pet? or What is his/her favorite toy?

I am assuming they want this information in case they have a child who is freaking out in the dentist chair and the staff can casually bring up his/her hamster or his/her tonka truck and attempt to divert the child from the sound of the drill.

Father's name?

This one always stumps me. Every piece of paperwork I do for my boys, whether it is for school or the doctor or an acitivity, the form always asks for the father's name.

It seems like an easy question, they simply want a name. I could write any name down, they wouldn't know. But I could sit and ponder this simple question for hours given the chance.

Should I write Bob's name? If you asked the boys what their father's name was I bet they would say Bob.

Should I write deceased? Even if I wrote deceased the man still had a name.

Should I write down Mike's name? After all, it is HIS insurance we are under, he deserves some credit. I could write "step" in front of the word father just to make it clear for everyone. Who am I trying to make it clear for?

I have the same problem when I do my own paperwork. What do I check for marital status? I am married, yes, but I was widowed. I am no longer a widow but I was widowed, it is still part of my indentity. Should I check both boxes?

Does any of this even matter? What important statistic is this information being gathered for?

These are just a few of the random thoughts that flow through my mind as I sit quietly with the clipboard on my lap. I look around at other people busy with their own paperwork and I wonder what boxes they sit and ponder before they check?

Ethnicity? Age? Marital status? Sex?

Does an X in a box really explain who we are? I am reminded of a skit from the album Free to Be You and Me (for anyone not familiar it came out in the 70s and was the brain child of Marlo Thomas--just ask my brother Mike about my obsession with this album, he probably still has nightmares)

Anyway, one baby says to the other baby as they lay in their bassinet and try to figure out what sex they are; "You can't judge a book by it's cover."

So true, and you definitely can't know a person by an X in a box.

Thanks for checking in-