Thursday, January 7, 2010


Hey there-

The boys and I were driving to the store the other day to buy their grandma a puzzle they could all do together.

"Mom, how old was I when you and Mike got married?" Henry asked from the backseat.

"Six, why?"

"I was just wondering how long it took for me to get used to Mike," he responded.

"Get used to Mike?" Arthur asked, his brows furrowed and his little voice rising in confusion. "What does THAT mean?"

Henry went on to explain; "Well, since Daddy was our daddy, I didn't have to get used to him. He just....... was. And since Mike is our step-dad, I had to get used to him." (duh, I could hear him thinking)

"So, you are used to Mike now?" I asked him.


"How long did it take?" I asked as we pulled into the parking lot of the puzzle store.

"About.......two years, and........four months." He nodded his head in satisfaction and opened the door to get out of the car.

Arthur nodded his head too, in disbelief.

"Whatever Henry," he said as he kicked his own door open.

I am still pondering if he is counting 2 years and 4 months from the time Mike and I met, or the time we got married? I wanted to look back at the calender and see what was going on at both of those times. Knowing Henry this time frame was not just pulled out randomly.

Mike and I met in August of 2005 and we married in September of 2006 so, what was going on December of 2007 or January of 2009? Random life it seemed like to me.

Two years and four months to get used to something, hmmmmm.

I, myself, am a big believer of a year for any period of adjustment, like a move or a new job. Getting through all the seasons, the anniversaries and holidays. After that first year the newness wears off, the initial excitement or fog begins to lift and you can begin to settle down and form an educated opinion about the situation with a little more clarity and first hand knowledge.

But a death? And all the changes that come along with it, how long is that adjustment period? There has historically been a magical number of one year for mourning, wearing black and all that. From my own experience I can say it takes much longer than a year, there are still times I want to wear a black arm band.

A wise friend once told me; "It takes how long it takes".

For Henry it took 2 years and 4 months to "get used" to having a step-dad. (he is learning decimals now in school, could explain something)

As for me, Bob has been gone 5 years and 9 months and Mike and I have been married for 3 years and 3 months. I have accepted the situation, grown accustomed to it, love a lot of it, but I will let you know when I have fully adjusted.

Thanks for checking in-


1 comment:

  1. I just stumbled upon your blog. I too am a young widow who lost my husband, Rob, 5 years and 9 months ago. I look forward to reading through your posts and your upcoming book.